Monday, May 15, 2017

Not me... again

You're back in town, but not back in this bed. Damn this king sized bed that I wanted so much. Because it was huge and comfortable and I would share it with you. Stupid fucking bed that's too damn big just for me. Sleeping alone when you were away sucked, but I knew it had to be. Sleeping alone these nights are just a huge reminder that you chose not to be in this bed anymore... because I am in it. I don't get why God would show me what I wanted to just snatch it right back so soon afterwards. I suppose because you were never mine. Who knows if you ever will be? Only God. Yeah only God. But God, why? Want? Need? Desire? Which one does he fall under? 

What do I really want? Not who, but what?
  1. Companionship 
  2. Love
  3. Conversation 
  4. Cuddling
  5. Laughter 
  6. Happy tears
  7. Closeness
  8. Feeling alive 
  9. To have purpose
  10. Feel safe and secure
  11. To be desired
  12. To not be alone
Why not with this one I've prayed for relentlessly?! Is it just not right now? That doesn't mean never, right?

Be still Sheila!

Be still and trust God 

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