Monday, October 10, 2011


#632035I've not posted (obviously) in a while. It seems all my blogs have been updates lately. Who am I updating?? me?? I know what the hell is going on in my life right?! Silly I guess. My mood stinks. My heart is broken. I'm moving in slow motion and everyone else is still running around. My mother passed away six months ago... This is when my world stopped or when I stopped. It seems as if everyone is moving on and doing better. My face hurts when I smile. I cry when it's quiet and I'm alone. Six months and I still cry. I don't why "they" say it gets better with time. The void in my heart and in my life is so huge. How do you move on? I go to work and get thru the day and then I sit in my car in the parking lot and cry. I want my mom to sit on the couch with me and hold my hand again. I miss her laugh and I miss her hugs and all the wonderful things she was in my life. I wipe the tears away and drive home to my beautiful kids and I sit and I feel as if I'm missing their life. I want my joy for my kids and my life and everything back. She would be so upset with me for not "moving on". I know my kids need me and yes I do attend to them. They have meals and clothes and hugs and kisses but I've lost my smile. I've lost my joy. I wonder if they can see that. I wonder if they can see the effort it takes for me to get out of bed and live. I pray they don't. I pray when I read this again in 3, 6 or however many months that I'm in such a different place...

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